Tales from the dust

A surprising movie that comes out of Russia. I have no clue how I first got to know about this movie (most likely after reading something in Empire) but I finally got around to watch it. My initial feelings for this movie are very positive and I would like to see how the story continues in Daywatch. I checked this movie in Russian (with English subtitles) so I had some trouble following the plot from time to time. I get the big points but I was constantly asking my girlfriend what was going on (bad sign?). After reading some stuff on-line about Nightwatch, it seems like Fox Studios cut the whole movie up instead of just keeping the original Russian release… I am just gonna cut a brief synopsis instead of trying to type it out myself…

Among normal humans live the "Others" possessing various supernatural
powers. They are divided up into the forces of light and the forces of
the dark, who signed a truce several centuries ago to end a devastating
battle. Ever since, the forces of light govern the day while the night
belongs to their dark opponents. In modern day Moscow the dark Others
actually roam the night as vampires while a "Night Watch" of light
forces, among them Anton, the movie's protagonist, try to control them
and limit their outrage.

What Timur Bekmambetov pulls out on a limited budgets (according to IMDb +- 5 million dollars) is a pretty creative ride. The movie never manages to pull of photo-realistic CGI but it didn't bother me as much as with that other movie I checked yesterday (Transporter 2), where they DID have the budget. No, instead of being some crappy low-budget movie we get some interesting mythology and some creative visions on vampires. The only problem I had with everything is that it was confusing from time to time. I know that the story revolves around Anton and his moral choices, good vs. bad, his son, a vortex and a truce between 'Light & Dark' but the movie moves fast and with some weird effects in-between that I didn't get. But I was along for the ride and tried my best to follow no matter what.

Downsides are the obvious things. The fact that it was in Russian doesn't help to easily follow a movie and mix that with the different visual style that cuts a lot between shots (is this because of Fox?) and I can see why people would call this movie bad. It isn't bad, it is flawed but still engaging enough to sit through. Knowing that it got messed up by Fox and that a second part is coming up (released in Russia but not in the USA yet) might also help in understanding or postponing any critique regarding the plot / cuts. I wish I could get my hands on the original version to see the differences myself to get to my opinion but that is very unlikely….

This was a refreshing take though from the Hollywood vampires (Blade, Underworld) and should be recognised and given credit just for coming out of an unexpected corner (Russia? Low budget? Interesting Mythology?). Next time you see this at the video-store, give it a try and who knows? You might be surprised…

7 / 10. Interesting concept with possible expanding mythology in part 2 and 3, good acting and fun effects (sometimes overused though).

Delayed by a day because the damn videostore didn’t keep it aside for me yesterday but her it goes :

Not a bad follow up to the pretty watchable The Transporter but I think it suffers the same fate as so many movies, uninspired scenes or bad CGI attempting to create super exciting setpieces!

Frank Martin still continues to be a transporter, only this time he drives a little boy around (to school and such). Everything is fine, everything is beautiful untill the son gets kidnapped by some freelance criminal who does everything for money. Frank kicks some asses, the kid gets back and a deadly virus is about to wipe out a bunch of politicians…

The story isn’t half that bad and the dialogue is not absurd either. This movie doesn’t take itself serious but at the same time keeps it dignity without attempting some comic relief by giving Frank a bunch of one-liners. Jason Statham (Frank Martin) is the star of this movie and does the same excellent job just like in the first one, you could picture him as the though guy who has uberleet driving skills. Don’t expect a serious dramatic movies though or even a realistic one, just expect 87 minutes of entertainment (I’d say 60 minutes are pretty decent).

Things get blown up, chases get made (although I preferred the BMW 750i, the Audi A8 is nice too) and Frank gets to fight with his bare hands! That is it, the whole movie gets carried by these three things and it doesn’t fail to me but (always a but) there were some points of irritation. First of all, the CGI during two scenes was really bad (the carjump twice and the plane scene). Perhaps the budget didn’t allow this but that still isn’t an excuse to show us crappy effects in what is otherwise nice looking. Lazyness from the directors side? Pressure from the studios to get released? Or just an overall not-caring-attitude? This also goes for the story, the ending cuts quickly (what happened to the antidote?) and the tension between Frank & Audrey goes nowhere but what can one do?
Secondly, and this is a personal flaw, during two or three fighting scenes the only thing I heard was punches and the actualy fighting. Not a single bit of score or song was used which made it look / sound empty and boring. Maybe it didn’t bother anyone else but it did pull me out of the whole cool and thumping atmosphere the whole movie seems to embody.

Overall, 7 / 10. Doesn’t have any intentions to cut it above mediocre so it doesn’t fail to fill in expectations (which I didn’t even have for this). The ending hints at another sequel which might be unneccessary if they don’t up their game. If you are looking for entertainment without the brain requiring to work, give this a try.

What can I say besides “I should’ve known”? I enjoyed the first Deuce Bigalow so I was expecting a more of the same situation. Only this time Rob Schneider (forever known as The Stapler) seems like he is just there to cash his cheque in, not even the slightest attempt is made to make this funny. A dodgy and sloppy screenplay probably didn’t help either.

The movie sets up the plot quickly, Deuce fucks up, Deuce has to hide, man-whores are getting killed in Amsterdam and the rest you can figure out (yes, Deuce to the rescue). Unfortunately that is all it does, moving along without ever being funny. Various ways of describing gigolo’s, 1001 different sexual moves, a bunch of freaks who get blessed by Deuce and the now gay pimp T.J. describe the humour cannon presented in this movie. This was fresh and charming perhaps in the first movie but here it feels rotten and it really becomes a drag when the umptheent gay joke / man-whore variation / female freak / sexual move / random shouting. Funny enough three people got credited for writing the screenplay at the end, how sad.

Anything good about this? The only moment where I thought that this movie had something was when Pixies - Here Comes Your Man started playing, I guess that is a no? It is frustrating when you just wanna watch a dumb movie and have a few giggles and they can’t even get that right!

Perhaps this is the shortest opinion I have ever had about a movie but that is the way it has to be, saying that you shouldn’t watch it would go far seeing as I was positive enough myself to give it a try (despite the general opinion about this movie).

1 / 10. Easily the worst movie of 2005, coming up tomorrow is The Transporter 2.

We all lack more of it, even I could do with more time to get everything done. Planning is probably the keyword in this whole issue but that isn’t me, if I plan something, it never goes the way I want it.

I have been thinking about creating a sort of template for my movie reviews, no clue how to do that really but it would be neat if it was possible. Just something to give it structure and easy to overview. If anyone knows what I must do (or who) to get this done, please tell me! The movies I’ve seen are really stacking up and tomorrow I am ordering some Takashi Miike (Audition, Ichi The Killer) and finally will get the Evil Dead series! The shit thing with the Evil Dead DVD’s is the fact that there are some editions available with various qualities (extras, audio, video transfer, cuts) so here to hoping I get a decent one!

I was stunned after watching this in the theatres (released in South Africa
since 10 March,2006).This movie hit me so emotionally near the end, a
moment of duality, one side of me was happy and one side of me felt so bad.

Jack (Jake Gyllenhaal) and Ennis (Heath Ledger) meet each other during the summer of ‘63 when both stepping into a new job, herding sheep on Brokeback Mountain. While the two are together for quite some time they start feeling emotions and fall in love. After the job the two go their ways, get married, get kids and go through all sorts of trouble but they still struggle with their feelings for each other. Both still meet up from time to time but even their love can’t stop what happens to Jack…

I am trying my best not to put any spoilers in but there will be one in the following part…

All the good things you read in various reviews are true! It is a beautifully shot movie with magnificient sceneries, everything moves slow and it suits the film. During these moments where you stare at the amazing shots Ang Lee throws at you a mellow and very simplistic guitar tune flows through the scenes to create a feeling of peace and joy most of the time. Ang Lee deserved the Oscar he got for this and more, simple stunning the way a simple thing can create such a powerfull movie.

Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal both play their roles to perfection. They first come off as the average ‘cowboy’ but as soon as they start to grow feeling for each other they capture that so great, joy, anger, confusing, doubt,…, they go through very realistic emotions. My hat off for Michelle Williams who managed to give realism to the wife finding out about her husbands secret, that nod she got from the Academy Awards as Best Supporting Actress must have felt good after playing a troubled spouse. Nothing but kind words for everyone but the movie centers around our two cowboys and their feelings. Jake and Heath weren’t bad actors before this but they never shined in anything either (aside from Donnie Darko perhaps), not untill now that was, this is a perfect showcase for their talents! No doubt a good direction by Ang Lee helped tremendously but still…. Another thing I loved about this ‘love story’ was the realism aspect, their love wasn’t just taking place in a fairytale, it was hard at times and the first time I noticed the realism aspect was when both of them couldn’t control their feeling for each other anymore and just gave themselves to one another.

This is the part you might not wanna read if you are sensitive about spoilers…

No, this is love between two man who were taught that that was wrong. They try to cover it up by going their seperate ways but their bond is too strong and too good to be totally ignored. I had so much joy from seeing those two together, you wish they end up together for good and become the happy couple despite what society things but unfortunately things didn’t work out. That is just the part that left me totally stunned, when Jake got died. Whether he got murdered or whether it was an accident is most likely up to the viewer but that little flash that Ennis got when he heard the news really hit my emotional side till their was no going anymore. I felt disgusted, angry and sad ‘cos of the injustice that was done to Jake and Ennis but at the same time, they loved each other so much that it made me smile. It is weird to describe but I was really attached to these two after watching them going on for nearly two hours…

This was the winner of Best Picture, not Crash where I didn’t give a fuck at the end about any of the characters and the injustice and salvation that was brought on them. Are the Academy Award voters too conservative too notice a brilliant and great movie? I should think so, especially after reading that some members didn’t even wanna watch the movie cos of its subject. They missed out I guess, anyone who will make such a mindset will miss out but hey, at least everyone who enjoys a good movie wins for a change. King Kong, Batman Begins, Star Wars and all those other 2005 movies really went down on my ‘Best Of 2005′ list after watching Brokeback Mountain. This was the best experience I had in quite a while, to be moved in such a way, just amazing. Even after I walked out of the theatre I was feeling so sad for what happened. 9 / 10, why not 10? Perfection is something that is nearly never achieved but this is damn close. Beware, if you like quick cuts, lots of explosions and a pumping soundtrack, just walk by this cos you will most likely end up by finding it boring but for everyone who likes a movie with a great and touching story (plus great visual and audio simplicity) I urge you, go watch this movie!

Zombies are cool again, and even George A. Romero returned to the genre he basically put together with Night Of The Living Dead (1968), Dawn Of The Dead (197 and Day Of The Dead (1985) with Land Of The Dead. Many people didn’t like this movie for various reasons (social commentary sucks, too much action, lame action,…) but I really enjoyed it for what it was, a zombie-movie with some new elements.

In a post-apocalypse world where the living dead (aka zombies) have taken over most of the earth are two ways of living, in wealth and safety high above the sky (Fiddler’s Green) or supressed and in fear on the streets. The last survivors (are they?) have resorted to setting off a perimeter that will protect them from the zombies, of course all controlled by one guy : Kaufman.
All goes well (despite obvious class - differences) one guy (Cholo) decides to turn against Kaufman by stealing the ‘Dead Reckoning’, a powerfull vehicle filled with nifty weapon (including rockets). Now Kaufman has Cholo on his ass and in the meanwhile the zombies seem to be evolving when they start grouping and attacking the little utopia created by humans…

Yes your eyes are not deceiving you, the zombies evolved! From the very beginning of the movie we see the zombies stuck in what used to be their usual routine. They hang around petrol-station, play music (there is something creepy about a zombie playing the trombone), etc… The smartest of the bunch is Big Daddy, a zombie who becomes aware of the harm done upon his fellow-zombians. He gathers them and even manages to catch a gun from some dude (by accident), ready to attack the ‘evil humans’. Sounds funny? It isn’t actually done that bad and I really liked the idea of this, evolving zombies, not uber-intelligent but clever enough to have awareness of things besides eating flesh! Everytime Big Daddy roared in an attempt to express something I couldn’t help but feel irritation coming from his side, like he is trying to speak but he can’t, weird stuff…

Zombies play the biggest role in this movie, they move slowly, the look menacing and dangerous and they fuck people badly when they get their paws on them. Everyone else is just a sideshow attraction in my opinion, you got John Leguizamo (Cholo), Dennis Hopper (Kaufman), Simon Baker (Riley), Asia Argento (Slack), Robert Joy (Charlie), Eugene Clark (Big Daddy) and while they play all their parts well enough it is only Big Daddy that stayed in my mind afterwards. It is a zombie movie so it is good they focused on them the most…
The zombies look good,everything is filled with gore and beautiful creations, especially in the beginning I was really adoring the work that was done to make them look detailed. This is also the first George A. Romero movie that uses digital effects, it never was overdone besides at one point, where a beheaded zombie (his head hangs with a string of nerves on his back) all of a sudden pop his head over his shoulders to attack someone, the idea was nice cos it wasn’t expected but the execution was a bit lacklustre ‘cos of dodgy effects. Besides that is was all looking pretty good!

The social commentary (as always present in his movies) didn’t bother me that much really, you got your class issues, money issues (money seems to matter in a world where it is rendered useless), terrorist issues (Cholo becomes one and Kaufman is the Bush type figure). All this didn’t affect the fun I had while watching, honestly, I do not know why everyone didn’t like this? I liked the old movies, they just feel different cos they were made so many years ago, but this is just zombies in the 21st century. It could’ve been worse (Resident Evil 1 & 2 bad for example) and I’ll give credit to George A. Romero for attempting to try something new!

7 / 10. Not memorable but entirely enjoyable.

It’s game time! Just one of the thousands of lines that I had to witness when watching this piece of shit movie!Based upon the same-titled game from the ‘90 loved by many geeks all over the world starring Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson (Sarge), Karl Urban (Grim Reaper), Rosamund Pike ( Samantha Grimm),…

The story is very simplistic, in the future, on Mars there is an experiment gone wrong, people mutate into monsters and Sarge and his team must go take care of it…also something about a 24th chromosome and superpowers…*yawn*

Easiest synopsis ever! In the original game the monsters came from a portal of Hell but that is changed, these monsters are basically mutated zombies ‘cos of some experiments. The monsters are also 50 % of what is good with this movie, from time to time I really loved the design and look of them but other times they looked like shit and were nothing more than a glorified Alien which was walking on two legs. The one monster design I liked was the Pinky Demon (the thing with the wheelchair) but unfortunately that got ruined with that POV sequence. The other 50 % that was good in this movie you might begin to wonder is what? Sarge (The Rock), his lines are lame, he gets given nothing to play with, but he is a coldless son-of-a-bitch and I like that! On to the bad…

The effects really looked crap from time to time, the mechanical door that got broken in the beginning looked like someone did this at his home! Like I said before, it is a hit and miss situation, one moment everything looks dandy and the other moment it is crap. Does this add to the videogame ‘feel’? Another crappy scene was when ‘Reaper’ jumps into superman mode and we get to see the POV sequence. This was hyped, it would suck you right into the movie and it would be the ride of your life. Good news, it did suck (in a bad way) and if that is the ride of my life I might aswell die now cos that really was a boring something. It seems like they put the gimmicks in this little 10 (was it?) minutes scene, you can see this was supposed to be a fun part but alas, it didn’t work that good.

Of course the dialogue is also crap but what did you expect? Oh, and so is the acting by the way…
Especially Karl Urban who played in LOTR underperforms, every line is given in a very dull and unbelievable way which makes everything less exciting. The Rock gets given snappy lines which fall flat (not his fault though), trying to create Arnie isn’t working at all for him in Doom (unless you take the crappy Jingle All The Way Arnie) and it hurts the movie so much…

The ending of the movie is do-able. It takes an unexpected (is it really though?) turn but the fact it turns into a wire-fight brings it back to a mediocre something to watch. I can’t really say anything more about Doom, there was just nothing more to it. It wasn’t fun, it didn’t look pretty, the monsters were all the same (besides Pinky!), the POV was mediocre and gave a bad view of the action from time to time, the dialogue sucked ass,….

4 / 10. Catch this when it comes on tv or when you can get it for free.

*Note* : The BFG sucks ass in this movie!

I missed this when it was showing at the theatres so when it came out on DVD recently I immidiately give this movie a viewing, walking in with hope and confidence that this movie would be Cameron Crowe material probably didn’t do the movie any good in the end. Let me give a quick story filler and go on with my go and no points of Elizabethtown

Drew Baylor (Orland Bloom) narrates us through his last struggle in life. He is on the edge of life, for the last 8 years he has been creating the ultimate shoe (It resembles walking on a cloud), he gave up everything to achieve success but with no such luck. Soon after the shoe gets released he gets fired (a mellow Alec Baldwin plays Phil, the big boss of the shoe company), considering the company just made an 972 million dollar loss (’so big you can round if off to a billion Drew’). Drew is now suicidal and nothing is gonna stop him, not untill he gets a phonecall from his sister which tells him that his dad died… Now Drew has to go meet the family in Elizabethtown. He gets on the first flight, meets stewardess Claire Colburn and starts on a self-discovering journey. Romance blooms, skin gets shed for a new one and everything comes together in a predictable way.

That is that, glad it is out of the way (I hate summarising a movie).

My expectations weren’t really that high in terms of a great movie but I did have certain reasons that Elizabethtown should be good. First of all it is Cameron Crow, he made Jerry Maguire, Almost Famous and Vanilla Sky (I am one of those who liked this). His movies revolve around people and their struggles and joys in life mixed with excellent soundtracks. So here I was expecting the standard tale of a man on the edge who re-discovers the joys in life, it was exactly that movie but unfortunately it was a bit ruined by a few things.

A thing called Orlando Bloom! I always said that he has one way to portray characters and I am really starting to believe that this theory is very true. Compare him in Lord Of The Rings, Pirates Of The Caribbean,Troy and now Elizabethtown, the way he plays his character is very close in all four movies! The guy has one emotions and tone of voice to deliver lines and walk through scenes, his eyes / eyebrows squint and that is it, his way to act. I might be too harsh on him in your eyes but I really tried to like him so far. Even when I first saw the trailer for Elizabethtown I remember saying that this might be the movie that shows Orlando Bloom actually acting… I packed my hopes away for him after last night. Did Cameron Crowe direct him to be like this or could even he not get emotion out of him? No one will know for sure..
The rest of the cast does well,I adored Kirsten Dunst who played the goofy girl, but no one really stands out (perhaps Alec Baldwin but his role was too short).

Another thing that bothered me was the editing, a good example is when Phil and Drew go for a walk in the beginning, the movie cuts away after a single line to a new place (like 5 times or so). Now I understand that pacing might be an issue in a movie like this but to do it with some sloppy and fast editing (and I am not talking MTV style) isn’t the right way (not in my books at least). Combine this with some lame dialogue ( I say, dance with one hand waving in the air) followed be an equally useless scene (Drew dancing like an idiot by himself) and it gets really messy. That brings me to the next issue, there were alot of useless scenes, very short and with no point to it. Jumping to my mind is that funeral scene (where they lower the coffin), it was 1 minute long, filled with some comedic relief and that was is it. Once again, the editing on this movie is questionable from time to time…

The good that I really liked (yeah, it was present). The idea was a decent one, I like stories that require emotion to express it and this is one of those (ruined by emotionless actor). The soundtrack was pretty nice too, every scene seemed to have a song in it, it really felt crammed with music (in a good way). An excellent and charming scene was where they hold the memorial service, the band plays on despire a fire and sprinklers getting activated, for some reason that really had punch that part.

Strange to see how the bad part gets more attention than the good part but I that is how the cookie crumbles. What could have been a greath showcase for Orlando Bloom ended up crippling most of the movie for me. Don’t expect a Jerry Maguire, a Almost Famous or a Vanilla Sky at all, this seems like a movie which gets supported by those teens who just love the lead actors (and discard the fact that that doesn’t just make a movie).

7/10

Aargh, this is a post out of irritation!!! People who live in America are so lucky to be able to watch Season Six starting the 12th of March!!!!!!!! God knows when this show will air in South Africa, I mean, season 5 was on some lame free-for-all tv channel here which shows commercials every 5 minutes (plus their broadcast quality sucks). There is no time or date set yet for when we’ll be able to legally watch Sopranos…hows that for sucky? So to all you people who will be able to watch it…FUCK YOU (I am a bitter man,actually fuck local tv-stations for not giving a fuck about quality series)

So I just had the joy of watching this…

It started at 3 AM, kind of an awkard time to witness it is but my girlfriend insisted that we watched it so I made a plan. She went to sleep around 10PM and I tried my best to go sleep around 12 AM, needless to say I was not able to sleep till around 1:30AM. So three o’clock comes, the boring Oscars are up and what are my first impressions? Jon Stewart is a boring host!!! Another impression I got from the first pack of presenters was the fact that they used a bunch of people who might never win an Oscar in their whole life, including in that list was Ben Stiller, Owen & Luke Wilson, Will Ferrell & Steve Carrell. The Rat Pack has landed!

Some people got recognised and I loved George Clooney poking fun of himself when he received the Best Supporting Actor Award (Hey, I’ll be remembered for my Oscar & Batman, I guess I won’t win Best Director) so that was a nice start! The rest was pretty boring in my opinion but hey, it is the Academy Awards after all!!! So let me just give a list of winners underneath. The biggest complain I have is that Crash won Best Picture, that is right, Best Picture. Seems like Brokeback Mountain got a bit overlooked actor-wise aswell!

Best Picture : Crash (This should’ve been Brokeback Mountain or any of the others)
Best Actor : Phillip Seymour Hoffman in Capote (I was so hoping for this)
Best Actress : Reese Witherspoon in Walk The Line (another choice I agreed with, especially compared to the other nominees)
Best Supporting Actor : George Clooney in Syriana (hooray for him)
Best Supporting Actress : Rachel Weisz in The Constant Gardener (looking at the other choices I would say sure…)
Best Director : Ang Lee for Brokeback Mountain (Well deserved, especially cos he didn’t win any other main Oscars)

Best Screenplay written directly for the screen : Crash
Best Screenplay adapted for the screen : Brokeback Mountain
Best Cinematography : Memoirs Of A Geisha
Best Editing : Crash
Best Art-Direction : Memoirs Of A Geisha
Best Costume Design : Memoirs Of A Geisha

Best Original Score : Brokeback Mountain
Best Original Song : Hustle & Flow (”It’s Hard Out Here For a Pimp”)
Best Make-Up : The Chronicles Of Narnia : The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe
Best Sound : King Kong (a nod, hooray)
Best Sound - Editing : King Kong (another one, hooray)
Best Visual Effects : King Kong (Three in a row! What did you expect out of three full picks)

Best Animated Feature Film : Wallaca & Gromit : The Curse Of The Were-Rabbit
Best Animated Short Film : The Moon And The Son
Best Documentary (Feature Film) : March Of The Penguins (anyone suprised by this?)
Best Documentary (Short Subject) : A Note OF Triumph : The Golden Age Of Norman Corwin
Best Foreign Film : Tsotsi (South African, but don’t ask me if that is good)

So there you have it, for this year. Off to another wonderful year I guess? I am amazed that Brokeback Mountain didn’t crush the Academy Awards though, perhaps they didn’t wanna be obvious? Or maybe they don’t like gay cowboy movies?